Meating Adjourned (RECAP)

RuPaul's Drag Race S16E5 "Girl Groups"

As one of the internet’s most prominent Black Butta apologists and New York’s most infamous “A.S.M.R. Lover” intellectual, I could not be more thrilled with the lineup of songs for this week’s girl group main challenge. Combine that with a pussycat wig-themed runway (the doors Monet X Change has opened…) and we’ve got the perfect recipe for an excellent episode. Let’s go:

STAR BABY

Sapphira

Best lyric: “I bring the heat while keeping my cool / I look like this you look a damn fool.”

It should come as no shock to anyone that Sapphira is, yet again, a stand out. Do we think there’s anything she can’t do at this point? This week alone she wins yet another mini-challenge, delivers some of the best lyrics of the week, and all the while finds time to gentle parent Plane Jane. Curbing Plane’s worst impulses, pulling Amanda aside to encourage her to work on her makeup off camera… Sapphira truly is mother to all these bitches. And her output doesn’t suffer in the least because of it. Perhaps too soon to call this Bianca-level dominance, but it certainly calls it to mind. On the runway, Sapphira is just in one of her silly goofy moods in camped up Austin Powers drag with a literal pussycat wig to match. Cherry on top of a great week. It’s giving winner!

Morphine

Best lyric: “Morphine like the drug (but no relation.)”

If it’s not too early to call Sapphira the season’s Den Mother, perhaps it’s not too early to call Morphine the season’s narrator.  Every week there’s at least one confessional of hers that makes me truly belly laugh. This time around it’s her moaning “the gringas are fightinggg,” as she massages her temples. I’d also like to take this opportunity to give her the prestigious Jaida Essence Hall Award for “Best Quick Drag in Mini-Challenge.” While she doesn’t receive effusive praise this week, it’s clear the judges are starting to warm up to her. RuPaul notes her creativity and willingness to change up her silhouette, and Michelle lovingly calls Morphine in to tell her: “You’re more than just a BBL.” May we all be so privileged to hear such moving words of affirmation.

Q

Best lyric: “Just one letter, nobody better.”

ngl I was stretching a little bit to come up with a lyric I liked... But to Q’s credit (at first pass) I liked her verse! Her voice sounded lovely, and her melodic line was hypnotizing. So it’s all the more unfortunate that she came out looking, well… kinda crazy. Not helping matters is that she did so while singing the lyric “serving looks [is] my passion.” I don’t know if it’s fatigue from all her previous high placements, or being stretched too thin from trying to produce her own little spat with Plane Jane in the Werk Room, but we’re witnessing Q’s very first Bad Week™. On the runway at least, she doesn’t stumble as she serves a masterfully constructed Joan of Arc suit of armor with a perfectly sculpted pussycat wig to match. But it’s still not enough to save her from the bottom (more later).

Dawn

Best lyric: “From the stars, laying bars, didn’t you know there’s life on Mars?”

Little pink elf twink is winning me over, I fear. She’s a triple threat: great performance package, memorable confessionals, and an emerging penchant for mild villainy. Performance-wise it’s as polished and precise as we’ve come to expect from Dawn. From the lyrics to the costume, it’s all perfectly calibrated and sickeningly on-brand. On the runway, we watch Michelle probing the structural integrity of the (so far) nearly flawless facade that is Dawn’s drag persona: “I would like to challenge you with the elf ears, we want to see versatility–” she starts. “I got you, babe, don’t worry,” Dawn replies. Oh, I bet she does. It’s clear Dawn came into this competition studied and very prepared. We’re seeing exactly what she wants us to see, exactly when she wants us to see it. Looking forward to more.

COURAGE TO LOVE

Plasma

Best lyric: “Remember girls, rule number one: have fun. Whatever you are, better be a damn good one.”

Listen… I know Plasma did well this week (both in the challenge and on the runway), and I know she gave a technically good performance, but to be honest, I just can’t bring myself to care. If I were to cherry pick reasons to justify my ambivalence I might point to her rather generic lyrics or her extremely simple walking choreography, but the honest truth is that I just don’t connect with her. The most I’ve enjoyed Plasma this season was probably last week during the confessional of her droning on about Barbra Streisand trivia for minutes to no particular end (she’s a yapper just like me fr fr!!) But beyond brief charming moments like that one, I think I’m checked out. I’m not saying we need to ban BFA degree holders from future Drag Race casts, but I am saying we need to raise the bar astronomically higher. Juilliard, Yale, Carnegie Mellon, and UMich only until further notice.

Plane Jane

Best lyric: “Don’t play with me just play that track, don’t break my heart just break my back.”

The only member of her group not to fall into the trap of earnest lyrics when given a very earnest song, Plane Jane shines as a stand out this week much to the chagrin of many (Amanda, especially). All the more impressive that Plane Jane manages to maintain such a relatively high performance standard week-to-week despite being near constantly mired in increasingly pointless conflicts. Some really thrive on the chaos, I suppose. This episode’s fight is with Q. At least, at first. It’s pretty mild all things concerned, but Plane dryly dismisses Q’s bemoaning of four consistent top placements with no wins as the queens dedrag at the top of the episode. “Plane is such a cunt… but I live,” Xunami summarizes. The real question is: where does Plane go from here? With the focus of her ire eliminated, who will Plane turn her hateration on next? Actually even as I say it I know it’s gonna be Megami. Nvm!

Xunami

Best lyric: “Pump, strut, find your light. Turn your hair to the left, then you shake it to the right.”

Xunami is on an upswing. I’ve long been a Haus of Muse stan, but after seeing the first episode I was very worried for Xunami. I feared there was a lack of performance instinct, a level of taste that was yet to be cultivated. But I’ve never been happier to be proven wrong. Xunami is great on the track, opting for a fast-paced flow that immediately elevates her verse above the rest of her girl group sisters, but it’s on the runway where she truly shines in a devastatingly chic Matador-by-way-of-YSL ensemble. But beyond the suit’s perfect fit, it’s her runway strut and flirty persona that really sells the presentation. It’s the clearest glimpse we’ve gotten of Xunami’s star quality to date.

Amanda

Best lyric: “Someone told me that who I am is wrong, but now I trust myself I know that I am strong.”

I don’t think Amanda was bad. She clearly has a knack for choreo, and her lyrics were no less earnest or clever than, say, Plasma’s. The problem is simply that it’s now very plain (pun intended) for all to see that we’ve witnessed the extent of Amanda’s capabilities as relates to this competition. I do feel bad for Amanda watching the judges’ critiques. For, in so many words, RuPaul and Michelle are sharing a similar sentiment that her nemesis Plane Jane has (tactlessly) expressed since the season’s start. RuPaul even goes so far as to directly compare the two’s padding. That cannot be fun. The lucky thing for Amanda is that all these critiques – both from the judges and from Plane – are fixable. Makeup can be practiced, wigs can be volumized, and padding can be smoothed. She leaves this competition with a new built-in fan base, a cast full of new sisters, and a basketful of critiques (both constructive and unconstructive) through which to parse. Not everyone can say that!

A.S.M.R LOVER

Mhi’ya

Best lyric: “You make me feel like a dainty lady, high-heeled boots straight outta Haiti. So 305, so Dade County, with my stank ass walk you know I’m crazy.”

I’ll admit it, I wasn’t sold on Mhi’ya as a team leader, but whatever she did it worked. She whipped these divas into shape! Whatever choreo she was muttering clearly penetrated its way into these girls' psyches because no one missed a beat. And the fact that every single member of their team incorporated whispering into their verses on a song called “A.S.M.R. Lover”? It’s giving musical throughline, it’s giving producer,  it’s giving Max Martin. And on top of Abby Lee Miller-ing these queens, Mhi’ya eeked out one of the best verses of the night! When A.S.M.R. Lover (Mhi’ya’s Version) makes into my top 5 in my 2024 Spotify Wrapped, I don't want to hear SHIT from any of you. Well done, diva.

Megami

Best lyric: “Running over bitches, order up. Drive through.”

I don’t know if I’m totally sold on Megami yet, but I had a lot of fun with her this week. And I will say it takes a lot of presence to keep up with this powerhouse of a team as essentially the only non-dancer (or at least, the dancer with the fewest tricks up her sleeve. On the runway she’s wearing… clothes! But, turns out, it was a smart week to burn a weaker runway, because she picks up a win anyway (a quarter of one at least).

Geneva

Best lyric: “If you wanna read there’ll be subtitles down here so you can keep up, because baby I am fierce.”

A much needed (and deserved) reprieve from the bottom for Geneva tonight after a couple tragic weeks in a row. Her lip sync skills hardly come as a surprise (after all we’ve watched her flex them every episode up until now), but her whip smart lyrics that she pairs with them are a true delight. Doing a split and a point on the lyric “subtitles down here”? I mean come on. Geneva’s track record is looking up!

Nymphia

Best lyric: “Breaking wind, serving fashion. Acting up like Ru said ‘Action!’”

The girls (Sapphira) are growing wise to Nymphia’s tricks. To see how she acted this entire episode is to believe Nymphia has two left feet and learned to speak English yesterday. Astute viewers will remember similar shenanigans during the Mother Ball, and the outcomes are much the same. Now, just as back then, Nymphia murders this challenge. I don’t know if her feigning incompetence is an intimidation tactic, a savvy method of self-producing her storylines, or both, but I do know that it’s working. And on the runway – no surprise here – Nymphia stuns yet again. It’s a triple wig reveal that leaves the judges positively squealing with delight. When it comes to Nymphia, it’s literally and figuratively pussy all the way down. While Team Mhi’ya claims this win as a whole, I don’t think it would have been a stretch had Nymphia been awarded it solo. With two wins under her belt, Nymphia shoots to frontrunner status (if she wasn’t already.)

After critiques and wins are doled out, Amanda and Q are left to lip sync to guest judge duo Icona Pop’s track “Emergency.” As far as this season’s lip syncs go, it’s unfortunately the most forgettable. There’s little joy in watching these two queens – both visibly frustrated and defeated – battle it out to an all but predetermined outcome. Q is a clear early frontrunner of the season, and her narrative is in its nascent stages, while Amanda’s is quite obviously at its end. Meating adjourned!